A Beginner’s Guide to Emotional Intelligence

A few weeks ago, some of the MM team learned all about emotional intelligence, thanks to speaker sessions hosted by Lieutenant Bill Hoelzel. If you’ve never heard of it, don’t worry– we hadn’t either. In short, it’s a concept that can be practiced and applied to both professional and personal relationships. Here’s a beginner’s guide to all you need to know about EQ.

Is EQ the same as IQ?

Not quite. While IQ measures human intelligence, EQ focuses on a person’s ability to recognize emotions and use this awareness to successfully manage relationships. EQ is all about controlling your own emotions and practicing empathy with others’ emotions. How? It takes four steps.

First, Know Yourself

Emotional intelligence ultimately begins with self awareness. How well do you understand your own emotions and reactions to situations? Can you predict the way you’ll most likely act when faced with certain events? Accepting and processing your own emotions is the key to a solid EQ foundation.

Apply self awareness:

  • Pay attention to your emotions and respond to them, don’t react
  • Establish your own personal value system, then live by it
  • Journal your thoughts, goals, interactions, etc. (if you need a journal, email us)

Then, Control Yourself

This step along the road to emotional intelligence is definitely not an easy one. Self management is your ability to remain flexible in a situation, despite the emotions you’re feeling. An example: The kids leave their dirty dishes on the side table…again. You feel yourself getting angry, but instead of screaming, you (1) calm yourself down, then (2) discuss the importance of responsibility with your kids.

Apply self management:

  • Practice patience through breathing exercises, counting and sleep
  • Find a good mentor
  • Focus on positive self-talk only

And after that?

Pay attention to others. Social awareness is all about reading the atmosphere of a room and the emotions of other people. Do you actively listen to what people say to you, or do you tend to tune them out? Next time you have a conversation, don’t anticipate what the other person is about to say, but rather stop what you’re doing and listen.

Apply social awareness:

  • Greet people by name
  • Pay attention to others’ body language
  • Avoid distractions while listening to others (i.e. looking at your phone or multitasking)
  • Practice empathy when listening

The End Goal

Nope, not End Game– although a lot of us in the office thought that it was a really great movie. The last piece of the emotional intelligence puzzle is relationship management. It basically means using your awareness of your own emotions and others’ emotions to successfully manage relationships. Why is this so important? The stronger the connection you have with a significant other, friend, coworker, customer, etc., the easier it is to (1) get along and (2) get your point across. Work towards creating and cultivating strong relationships with others, even if it’s through a fleeting conversation.

Apply relationship management:

  • Be open to sharing information about yourself
  • Show interest in others
  • Understand your communication style (direct, indirect, comfortable, serious, silly)
  • Make sure your body language matches what you’re saying
  • Accept and respond graciously to feedback
  • Keep your feedback to others clear, concise and constructive

Being an emotionally intelligent friend, spouse, coworker, you-name-it isn’t always easy. But, having a high EQ could mean stronger personal and professional relationships that ultimately lead to more success in life. Have questions about emotional intelligence? Email Bill Hoelzel.